


Rabbit Lightning: Illegal Smile

by LadyCynthiana



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Drug Use, Gen, Rabbit Lightning - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 10:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4260198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyCynthiana/pseuds/LadyCynthiana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A song fic from the point of view of a young Lohn Lightning, based on John Prine’s Illegal Smile</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rabbit Lightning: Illegal Smile

**Author's Note:**

> I must preface this by saying I don’t condone any illegal or excessive drug use. Be safe, kids, don’t be like these naughty boys.

Lohn covered his head with his pillow, trying to muffle the sounds of his alarm radio. He had forgotten to turn it off for the weekend, but his body felt like lead and he didn’t want to make the effort to get up and turn it off. A classic country song came on and he lifted up the pillow and groggily rolled over.

_When I woke up this morning, things were lookin’ bad_  
_Seem like total silence was the only friend I had_  
_Bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down… and won_  
_And it was twelve o'clock before I realized_  
_That I was havin’… no fun_

It described his life perfectly, unfortunately. His mother was already at work and the house was empty, and when he finally turned off the radio the house was indeed silent. He made his way downstairs and opened up the cabinets, looking for anything but the godforsaken oatmeal in the song. He pulled out a nearly empty box of cereal and grabbed a handful of what was left in the bottom and shoved it in his dry mouth. Stale. Of course.

Sighing, he grabbed the giant cylindrical carton of instant oatmeal and started a pot of water to boil. He thought about how some people ate donuts and bacon for breakfast as he looked down at his skinny arms stirring the oatmeal into the boiling water. He wished he could be one of those people, at least for a week. He rifled through the few bags in another cabinet and found the last of some brown sugar his mom was probably saving for cookies. He hoped she wouldn’t miss it as he shook the remains into his oatmeal. He ate slowly, wishing he had the energy to think of some way he could earn some more cash, but he couldn’t. Most days he was already either mowing lawns or busking with some of his friends, playing country songs at the coffee shop in their small town. In a few more years he’d be able to play at the bar, where there were more people, some drunk enough to hand him real tips. He shook his groggy head and wondered what he could do in the meantime.

_But fortunately I have the key to escape reality_  
_And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile_  
_It don’t cost very much, but it lasts a long while_  
_Won’t you please tell the man I didn’t kill anyone_  
_No I’m just tryin’ to have me some fun_

Since it was noon, he decided to call up a few friends to see if anyone wanted to hang out. There wasn’t much to do in the rural area, but nonetheless they were all busy this Saturday morning except for his friend Redd. They decided to ride their bikes out to meet each other on the little bridge overlooking the creek that was closer to Redd’s house. There was a certain plant growing down in the creek bed that they would be looking for.

Lohn panted, his long black hair swinging in the breeze as he hit the brakes on his bike, screeching the tires a little on the pavement of the bridge. He and his bike were coated in dust and his lower body was somewhat numb from the vibration of the tires over the 3 miles of gravel road he had ridden over to get to the bridge. It was a good thing it was an unseasonably cool spring day or he would have been sweating and dehydrated as well. It was another mile to anywhere that they could get something to drink, and he hadn’t brought anything with him.

Redd’s bike was leaning against the graffiti-smattered railing of the bridge. Lohn leaned over it and saw the fluffy top of Redd’s mullet appear from underneath. “Hey man, I found a couple leaves! Come check them out and maybe we’ll find something else good over towards the cow pasture!” He waved Lohn down excitedly. It was clear that he had a much more energizing breakfast than Lohn, that’s for sure.

_Last time I checked my bankroll,_  
_It was gettin’ thin_  
_Sometimes it seems like the bottom_  
_Is the only place I’ve been_  
_I chased a rainbow down a one-way street… dead end_  
_And all my friends turned out to be insurance salesmen_

The leaf Redd stumbled upon did indeed have 7 points, but the plant was too tiny to harvest, so they followed the dry creekbed upstream several yards before they came upon a few more hardy plants. “Should we try digging some up and growing them at home?” Lohn asked Redd.

“Definitely not at my parents’ place, my dad would kill me, and I’m sure he knows what pot looks like. My brother’s gotten the belt for having joints more than once. Let’s just pick a few for now. I’ve got another idea, too.” Redd gave him a mischievous grin, one eyebrow raising above his sunglasses that they both agreed made him look like a cool and mysterious biker.

They picked their way along the creek bed, rolling up the leaves and storing them in a zippered plastic bag. They guessed they’d have to dry them before smoking them, and get some rolling paper, too. They both knew some people that could show them how it was done, but neither of them had tried it before.

As the tree-lined creek opened up into a pasture, Redd extrapolated on his other idea. “Benny showed me a kind of mushroom that grows under cow patties that’ll really make you trip. Let’s see if we can find some. Grab a stick and just turn over all the cow patties you see. I’ll let you know if you’ve found one.” Lohn followed Redd’s instructions and started flipping cow patties. The sun started to grow warm on his head and he wiped his brow, occasionally looking up to follow his friend’s backside which stooped over here and there in the field. They managed to find a few grubby-looking mushrooms, which was supposed to be more than enough to get you higher than a kite and make you see things.

_But fortunately I have the key to escape reality_  
_And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile_  
_It don’t cost very much, but it lasts a long while_  
_Won’t you please tell the man I didn’t kill anyone_  
_No I’m just tryin’ to have me some fun_

They chatted as they went, and decided that the best place to try out the mushrooms would be back at Lohn’s house, where there would be no one to bother them for at least a few hours. They got back on their bikes, making a detour that took them through a small, nearly abandoned town which boasted only a post office and a community building across the street… if you could call it a street. The only traffic to avoid was a pack of stray dogs, sunning themselves in the middle of the road. At least the community building had a vending machine propped up on its porch, and it took Redd’s quarters and gave them two damp, cool cans of off-brand cola that they rolled on the backs of their necks before popping open to drink. The fizzy liquid was cheap and syrupy, but it did the trick for Lohn, as he was able to make the 4-mile bike ride back home with no problem.

As soon as they got in, he tossed some crackers on a plate, covered them with some shredded cheese and threw them in the microwave for their redneck version of a cheese plate. Redd made a joke about how it could be thrown like a frisbee, so they took turns aiming it at each other’s mouths, catching it and taking a bite and sending it flying back to the other. The house was now filled with the sounds of laughter instead of the dull, lonely silence of the morning.

They cleaned the mushrooms, and decided they had better cook them in some butter so that they’d at least taste good, and have a smaller chance of getting them sick. They knew there was still a pretty good chance of that, but they were willing to risk it if it would slay their weekend boredom.

With the cooked mushrooms, the boys made their way to Lohn’s room, a plain gray box filled with the detritus of adolescence. It was a small room, but was blessed with a walk-in closet, which he liked to leave open to make the room feel larger. There weren’t many clothes inside, but a few boxes that they could sit on and a shelf to arrange their finds on.

_Well, I sat down in my closet with all my overalls_  
_Tryin’ to get away_  
_From all the ears inside my walls_  
_I dreamed the police heard_  
_Everything I thought… what then?_  
_Well I went to court_  
_And the judge’s name was Hoffman_

Their first bite of the mushrooms was heaven… their second bite sent them into wonderland. They sang along to songs that played only in their heads and clung to each other laughing until suddenly Lohn clapped his hands over Redd’s mouth.

“I hear something, Redd. I think it’s the police. They’re gonna find our stash. Quick, we gotta get rid of the marijuana! We’ll go to jail, Redd!” He frantically whispered, shaking Redd’s shoulders. “Oh no oh no oh no I think they’ve heard me! Here, we’re gonna have to eat all the evidence!” He pulled open the bag containing the leaves and started shoving them in his and Redd’s mouth simultaneously. Redd’s eyes were just wide open, staring at Lohn’s face, but he let Lohn shove the leaves in and obediently chewed and swallowed them.

Once they were all gone, Lohn’s panicking subsided, and he tip-toed his way to the door of his room, Redd following dizzily behind him. They slowly peeked their heads out the door… no one was coming up the stairs. They ran back across the room and looked out the small, dusty window… no cop cars in the driveway. No cars in sight at all. “You must be trippin’ man,” Redd laughed and fell back on the bed, sides shaking in uncontrollable giggles.

“Yeah… I must be…” Lohn replied slowly, checking every angle out the window while whispering, “Hoffman” to himself. He checked the stairs again before finally giving up with a relieved sigh and flopping down beside Redd on top of his worn and familiar quilt. Several giggle fits later they were both passed out alongside each other in Lohn’s small twin bed. For the next few hours, Lohn Lightning slept with a smile on his face, until he was awoken by his mother’s voice calling up the stairs.

He immediately ran to the bathroom and began vomiting. Redd soon followed. All they could tell Lohn’s mother is that they picked some bad mushrooms that day, and they would never be doing it again. She pretended to believe that they had been hunting morels. After all, it had been a long day at work and she was ready to self-medicate, herself.

_Ah but fortunately I have the key to escape reality_  
_And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile_  
_It don’t cost very much, but it lasts a long while_  
_Won’t you please tell the man I didn’t kill anyone_  
_No I’m just tryin’ to have me some fun_


End file.
